My brain says no but my pants say off.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
