I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
