Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
