I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
