Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
