In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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