my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
