The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
