I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
