Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
