the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
