maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
