i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
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