what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
