Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
