Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
