You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
its not stalking. its research.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
