Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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