I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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