so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
