New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize