Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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