If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
