Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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