her vagine was all disorganized.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
