so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
