My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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