Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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