I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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