put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
