Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
