K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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