I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
