if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
