C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
