3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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