1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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