Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
