If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
