OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
