Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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