Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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