I cannot find my penis.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
