i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
