we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
