true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
