I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
