i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
