It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
