I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
