i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize