what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
