I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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