So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
