Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
