Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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