2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
