Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize