Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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