so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just want to make out with him forever
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
