the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
