i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
