That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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