I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
