So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
