I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
