Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
