i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
