We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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